First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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