he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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