I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
