she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
