between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
not ubering you a puppy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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