And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
