He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hippo gnu deer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
