I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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