This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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