is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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