maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
