new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
