He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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