I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
