hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
