trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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