Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
