Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
