U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
