I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just threw up on my dentist
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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