she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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