So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well you can't waste a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
