i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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