Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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