I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
