I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
