Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
