either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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