I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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