That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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