This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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