just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize