listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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