Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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