i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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