omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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