oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
