dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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