i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
