It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
