True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize