can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
