I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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