Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
