i permit you to call me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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