I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We need to get me chipped asap
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
