I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize