a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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