Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she looked like the before picture.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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