dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
