It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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