I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
