I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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