I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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