Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize