Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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