My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
