got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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