Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
